Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
