I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
