don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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