Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Randomize
