I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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