remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
