I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize