Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
