My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Randomize
