I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
