Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
