i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
