you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We're not piercing ourselves today.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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