is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
