Do vagina's smell?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
