I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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