I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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