You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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