nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
