i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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