I cockslap morals
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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