I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
