john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
