i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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