Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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