I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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