my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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