I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
