My liver just broke up with me...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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