my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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