All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
