Sober January is a disaster.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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