We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
