apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
