Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
