So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
