Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
