you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize