HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
