I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
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