4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
