Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
