Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
