i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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