I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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