u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
