the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
