I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
