Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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