I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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