I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
