I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
sarcasm needs its own font
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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