There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
