Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize