Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
