apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
