I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
