If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
