Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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