He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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