there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
