the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize