You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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