I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize