oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
