and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
