i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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