Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
