I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
