Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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