I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
