he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
