pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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