He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
