mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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