sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
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