its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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