I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
