We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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