I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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