I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
