can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
