Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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