New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics â¤ï¸
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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