omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
