Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
