We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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