Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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