Sacagawea was the original milf.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
