I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize