She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
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