just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
