Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
You can't motorboat a personality
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
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