your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
NoShamevember. You game?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
